Meet my new boyfriend, Alfred.

Afternoon Campers,

Well this week has been pretty ridiculous. As you may have seen in my previous post, I was asked to write a guest piece for a local blog. I have written said guest piece and it has been published on their website http://www.jpfestival.com/p/festival-fashion.html. It is a piece about what one should wear if one were to frequent the Cheltenham races this year. It was kindly published by jpfestival.com - you should all check out their website for tips for the upcoming racing events.

The above blog proves that when you are starting out you have to take chances wherever they present themselves. This has turned out VERY well for me and will hopefully lead to future collaborations with jpfestival. Never did I think that one of my first experience with the fashion world, outside of uni, would be mingled with horse racing. But then I expect gown designer Bruce Oldfield and former Red or Dead designer Wayne Hemmingway didnt think they would be adding "McDonald's Uniform Designer" to their CVs. If this week has taught me anything, it is that we must step outside the box, because you get nowhere if you dont. In fact I was getting dangerously close to having to live in said box because lack of money seems to be an awful side effect of being unemployed.

One of my friends once told me the world would be better off if we all went back to trading goods and services, making money obsolete. I always thought this was a bad idea, mainly because I am not interested in growing a tomato bigger than my head to swap for someone's equally big swede as they do in some surrounding Cotswold areas...but now im thinking I would clean all the fake tan out of Donatella's bath tub if she lent me a dress. See, always thinking about new ideas. The one idea I cannot get my head around however is 'signing on'. We have all had friends who have done it and we have all mercilessly ripped them to shreds because of it. However, this is becoming a reality for university leavers; even getting a part time job, especially in the beginning months of the year is a struggle. Therefore we are left with two choices - wear items in our wardrobes MORE than once...or sign on so we can buy new things. Personally I think we should all just move to London and partake in swap-shop parties where you swap lightly worn/unwanted goods with other people of your age and fashion persuasion. I say we must move to London for this, because im not sure about you, but I have no interest in swapping a Moschino skirt for something with the word 'Kappa' on it - yes Gloucester we get it, it is much easier to run away after shoplifting if one is wearing a tracksuit instead of a properly tailored pair of cigarette trousers.

So, the dole, jobseekers, signing on, part of the Monday crew, post office mafia, whatever you call it, there is stigma attached. Why has it gotten to the point where we are afraid to sign on? The only things I am likely to get out of it are bruised ankles from the death on wheels trollie basket and a 70 year old boyfriend named Alfred who I have taken a shine to because he drinks JD in the queue at the Post Office and I am partial to whiskey. Sigh. The government needs to make it more accessible to people of our age as we are the ones in trouble at the moment. "Wait" you are saying, "before you pick up the wondrous cheque, dont you have to go to a meeting"? Yes my friends. Apparently you sit with a man who thinks because you arent working you are therefore a regular on Jeremy Kyle and perhaps a glue sniffer. Actually sir my education cost more than your house and im just a bit down on my luck at the moment. What job am I looking for? Anything in fashion please. I can get you a M-F 9-5 job as a game shooter or weekend work as a Rabbi (im not Jewish). Oh good, im all set. Perhaps a little more post education help would be the thing to look into.

Anyway, the Six Nations is on later so no more need to rant. Rugby shorts and the legs that fill them have always cheered me up. So Shalom friends, speak tomorrow.

Becky xx

Do It Like A Brother? or Do It Like Vivienne Westwood?

Dear Unemployed Friends,

I am specifically addressing this to you today as "There IS a light at the end of the tunnel" (to quote one of my favourite musicals, Starlight Express - no I have not taken on a position as Buffy the Buffet car)!!! Yesterday I was called by a company that I REALLY want to intern for and was offered an interview next week - score. Also, I was asked to write a guest post on a local but well known blog. I will not divulge the details of either until (hopefully) the internship is awarded and (hopefully) the blog piece is published.

So yesterday was a great day. I thought, why not treat myself to more chocolate than the body can handle? Side note - you may notice that this was also my treat when getting turned down for a job, what can I say, there is more than a slight chance I am related to the Vicar of Dibley...we've all watched Sharpe (Sean Bean) whilst eating a Crunchie have we not? Anyway, so as I dance round the aisles of Tesco looking to pick myself up some celebratory chocolate, whilst constantly having to tell passers-by that I am NOT Beyonce (body of Beyonce voice of Michelle McManus you wonder?....or perhaps the other way round after the chocolate run) I freeze in horror.....for that is right my friends I have realised I have a fashion interview in ONE WEEK.

For those of you who are unaware, a fashion interview is completely different to the normal interview. A normal interview you follow the moderate heel, skirt below knee, hair in a bun ritual - basically make your self as un-feminine as possible.You concoct answers about your weaknesses, your past achievements and basically create a SWOT about your life that if you were a fly would send you weak at the knees. In the fashion interview the above could cause you to not even be admitted to the interview room. Do you know what the fashion will be next week, month, year? No? Well I have to be wearing it, talking about it, living it at this interview. Do you know who Felicity Jones is and why she has been crowned 'England's new IT girl'? No? I have to talk about her as if she is my best friend. My hair, nails, shoes, accessories and most of all outfit have to be between the highest fashion statement and someone going for an interview. So I am thinking Madonna on top, Lord Sugar on bottom?? What is this fashion girl to do?

This weekend I will shop as if my life depends on it - and really I suppose it does; happiness anyway. Will my nails and eye make-up match? Will I wear a dress with statement tights or trousers with a statement top? Shall I display my enjoyment of vintage or do I go for fresh off the highstreet, Alexa Chung eat your heart out look? All I can say girls is when we make it and I mean REALLY make it, we will be free, saved. Why is this you ask? Because my fellow fashionistas....Chanel may be expensive, but when you can afford to drop a couple Mulberry suitcases filled with cash, you will realise Chanel makes a suit for every occasion and she is willing, for the right price, to share these wonders with you.

Keep trying.
Becky xx

I want to be celery....

"The first thing you should know is that I am"...unemployed. For those of you who get the "Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl" reference, I am not a whore. I just really like the book...

Unemployed is perhaps the ugliest word that one can carry in her repertoire. It is worse than 'fat', 'unattractive' or even 'stupid' as it comes with connotations....ie - due to one or all of the aforementioned words, you are unable to land yourself a job. I am not fat, hopefully not unattractive and not stupid yet it seems I am unable to find myself sat in an office eating a cereal bar chatting about the weekend with a co-worker. So what am I doing wrong? It is not to say that I am not searching for a job... I like the word 'searching' it is more realistic to the situation I am in. I want to be in the fashion industry and unless you have a pair of Gucci binoculars you are unlikely to spot the one job hidden at the end of Oxford Street...and even if you do spot it, the girl with the 26 internships including one at Vogue and a year at Burberry is likely to pip you to the post.

On a daily basis I wake up excited about applying for more opportunities that cause me to imagine myself in just a few years time sat next Karl Lagerfeld at a fashion show in Paris, laughing and stuffing my face with Nutella crepes. By 10am however I am no longer sending CVs to the creme de la creme of the fashion world...because they are too busy sending me rejection e-mails to read that I happen to have an enjoyment of Les Miserable and that my answer to their entrepreneurship question is "there was that one time I made tea cosies with my Nan". Ah the rejection email. It is more painful than your first break-up, more painful than that time your best friend told you no, it wasnt the skinny jeans that made you look fat, it was because your legs had gotten chunky and MUCH more painful than the time you turned up to school in uniform on the day that happened to be "Dress Like You're in Fame" day. It causes you to: call your mother and blame her for giving birth to you; eat an entire box of Dairy Milk (both levels) and stand watching yourself wailing in front of a mirror because you need to know if you are an ugly crier on top of everything else.

Alas! There is hope at the end of the tunnel however, for you look around you and all of your friends are unemployed! You remember that we are in fact in middle of a 17 year unemployment high and you feel a little better. I am not a pessimistic person and I know I will get a job eventually; experience is the key.

So if you want to hear ramblings of how this Glossota (Gloucester - Minnesota) girl is getting on then please read my blog. I will have good days and bad days, but I will eventually be BFFFFFFF with DVF - she just doesnt know it yet. I will be top of the fashion food chain - which I believe means I want to be celery, given the industry I want to go into. Remember a moment on the lips is another 4 months in HR begging the Press office to let you be a runner on the next season fashion shoot...

See you all tomorrow - I will be the one trying to tell my mother my jumper has not gotten too tight for me, I am merely going for the Marilyn Monroe look.

Becky xx

PS - Word of the day thanks to Frank Skinner: Blinge - an alternative to vajazzle.