For those of you who don't know, I went to university in Saint Paul, Minnesota; a state large enough to fit the entirety of England in...and a good deal more. In just 10 days time it will be one whole year since I graduated from Saint Catherine University. For those of you who know me, it perhaps will be as surprising to you as it is to me that this long time has passed. Especially if you are one of the wonderful people I have left behind in MN. You might now be wondering why I am writing this. Basically, the reason is, because I never have. I have been literally inundated with "what was it like", "who did you meet", "do you eat donuts for breakfast" and all other manner of questions, which I have always answered with "amazing", "so many wonderful people" and "no, get a grip". I know for many of you who have been on the end of these questions, you wonder why I give such short and non informational answers. The truth I guess will be written here. Everything you have ever wanted to know. So for those of you who tell me you want to go to uni in America or for those of you who just (even after a year) ask, this is for you... As with all good stories I will start with the bad.
America was the most wonderful experience of my life, everyday was a blessing, every friendship a lifeline and every class an inspiration. Flowers and hugs and love all round? Not quite. It was also the most heart breaking time of my life, filled with so much stress, worry and confusion that I could easily have been having a three year breakdown. Please do not get me wrong, I would not give even one single day back of my American life, but I want all of you to realise - especially those of you who want to go there yourself - that it was and will likely be the hardest thing I ever did.
- How much do you love your parents? Your best friend? Your boyfriend? Your cat? A lot?? Well I loved or cared for a variation of each of these things a ridiculous amount. Now imagine yourself going to uni. You are sad, you will miss them, but if you want to Cardiff, Brighton or even Edinburgh are not so far that you cant come home. I was 9 hours away....by plane. Then 3 by car when off the plane. If I felt unwell, if I felt sad or if I just wanted to hug my family - not happening. 4 months is a LONG time to not see anyone you know or love. My whole life was misplaced in the space of a day and I knew I wouldnt get it back for 4 months; perhaps even properly for 3 years. The first night I was there I cried for a long time and then continued to cry for many more weeks... secretly of course because I had a room-mate. Those first three months I was adamant I had made a mistake and would return; return to somethings that I ended up losing because of being away for 3 years. Things I still miss.
- During my three years I fell out with pretty much all of my English friends at least once. It is hard to be so close with people, move away and then feel they dont understand you or they feel you dont understand them. There were points in my life where I had two sets of friends (UK/USA) and felt more lonely than if I had none. What you have to understand is I was living 2 completely separate lives which NEVER crossed. So when I returned to either one after being in the other, I felt fractured, disjointed. Also, generally American humour is not like ours so I didnt laugh - really laugh - for a very long time. That didnt help things.
- Also between my parents they spent the equivalent of buying a small house in England over the three year period on my American experience - not rent, BUY. For someone like me, that stressed me out. It also made me angry at students in this country who were spending 1/10th of what we were and were complaining. I got no loan in this country or America - not because my parents were rich, but because England had no reason to help me once I left and neither did America as a non-citizen. I am NOT complaining as it was MY choice to go to the U.S but im just saying, it wasnt cheap... Do not get me wrong, all of my friends went to uni in England so I am not being rude about the costs of this country, I understand it is hard, but perhaps it shows why part of the time I was distant from them. We didnt understand each other.
- Minnesota could get to 40 below...in the day. And did once. I was someone who rarely got sick. I got VERY sick in MN. Every year. Food poisoning 3 times. Glandular fever once. In March 2011 I got pneumonia, an ear infection and a sinus infection in one go. Hands up those of you who hated being around me then. Sarah Walstrom im looking at you... Haha!
- You have to take math, science, english, a language, IT, PE!!!! and a whole range of other stuff. Stuff you were sure you had found your way out of in highschool, stuff you used to have nightmares about....oh thats right, it comes back and bites you in the butt... And it expects you to get a good grade while its biting you. Dont be thinking American uni is all tanned hormone filled football players and their cheerleaders. Because if you spend too much time thinking about that, you wont have time to study for maths.
- I got so stressed on a monthly basis I would cry and tell everyone I was going home. This didnt happen luckily. Unfortunately I did get little sleep and was moody a lot. I thank all the room-mates over the years for putting up with me. During my worst stress period I cried in a professor's office, told her she expected too much of me, threw some stuff and then Alex had to go apologise. Whats life without a little drama heh?
Perhaps I should stop with the sad things now, although I could go on for longer. Instead I will share the good, of which there were also many.
HAPPY THINGS YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY HAND HOLD PARADE!!!
Every single day I hurt because of how much I miss America. My American life. My American family. This doesnt sound happy, but it shows how much I eventually loved it. Here are the reasons why:
The Barnards - Tom, Kath, Andy and Alex (ohhhhhh Alex). Have you ever had a friend you would laugh so hard with you thought you had broken a rib? Cried so much in front of they thought you had broken tear ducts? Told the most private and ridiculous things to? Held hands with? Did yoga with? Sang with? Danced with? Ate quinoa with? And loved more than a private plane on the way to the Hamptons? Well I do - her name is Alex and the above things happened on a daily basis. I truly believe people have soul mates and they arent necessarily the people you will marry, date, end up with. Alex HAS to be mine. There is no other explanation for the ridiculous way we lived our lives, laughing, fighting and eating bagles. I was lucky enough that Alex shared her family with me. A family I have no qualms in now calling my own. I love her parents like I love my own. They fed me dinner, took me on holidays, looked after me during illness, sadness or when I was lonely, included me in everything ... and introduced me to Vince Vaughn. You know, parent stuff. They are people I will expect to be at my wedding. People I will miss more on their birthdays. People I often just wish I was around. They are lifetimers in the Becky show...sorry guys. I love you all more than Andy loves candy. That's a stupid amount. I wouldnt have survived America or turned out the way I did without you guys. You are a special family. My family! Thank you!!
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| Sometimes Alex was a Ronson and I was a Lohan, what of it? |
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| Me and Alex |
Kathy & Jim, Ariana and their family - I have no doubt I would be a lot skinnier and have seen less movies if I didnt know these guys. Family friends since birth, Becky feeders for life. I wouldnt have survived my first four months without them.... and perhaps the 19 million illnesses after that. You are truly amazing people and I miss you and your house and your kindness. I love you all!
The food - Most of you are laughing because you know I am seriously addicted to food - yes Alex everything but cheese, water, nuts, wine, pickles..... But have you ever eaten Buffalo Wild Wings whilst watching a football game on a big screen? Eaten a cinnamon bun at midnight in Perkins with your room-mate who is having life troubles? Watched a Korean girl eat noodles in her sleep - oh Sohee we love you. My life is dictated and remembered through food. The first time I really felt part of the Barnard family - eating with them at the friends and family opening of La Grassa. Eating bagels with Alex. Turkey dinners with Chelsea. Pizza with Becky. Life shouldnt be about dieting. It should be about drinking Mountain Dew and eating puppy chow until you want to vom.
My degree - you were worth the several solid months of crying, the late nights, the early starts, the MOUNTAIN of papers - at least one 15-30 page paper per class per semester with at least 4-5 classes a semester with a semester lasting 4 months...work. it. out. When I walked across the stage, heard my friends whoop and knew my Dad was there - lets just say it was worth it.
Cleanses - If you were involved in these I am SORRY that I put you all through that. You will be glad to know I still inflict this on the English folk. My favourite ever line from Anu in front of class "Becky have you lost weight??" Me: "Yes" Friend: "She is only eating carrots" Anu: "Come on now...tell the class what sort of carrots".
New words - I now say pants instead of trousers, SKEDule instead of schedule, school instead of uni and other fun things. Deal with it. At least I havent told you I think in an American accent....oops.
Memories - I will never forget watching Alex dance to Dr Suess. I will never forget watching Sohee finish a family bucket of chicken after a chinese meal. I will never forget Katwalk. I will never forget Vegas. I will never forget the fights. I will never forget the love. I will NEVER forget my friends turning up to a surprise party thrown for me by Alex. I will cherish all of those memories forever.
Friends - Without you I would have packed up my stuff and been another college drop out. You are all insane but I wouldnt have you any other way. The room-mates, the shopping friends, the HNRLP. The friends I ate with, drank with, danced with. All of you I laughed with and most likely cried with. You are a wonderful set of human beings and I am proud to be your friends!
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| Girls |
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| Friendship at its finest - on my birthday with a heavily pregnant Chels and crew. |
xxx
I hope you don't have another hnrlp. I'm a little surprised our Christmas card photo didn't make it in the post.
ReplyDeleteYou are the one and only HNRLP. That would ruin it...seeing as it is for Christmas. I miss you!!!
ReplyDelete