What's love got to do with it?

Whether you want to believe it or not, the festive season is well and truly nigh, and depending on who you are, that can conjure up a host of different images: a massive tree with gifts scattered at its base, the smell of cinnamon in the air everywhere you go, chestnuts roasting on an open fire (the lyrics, I'm not 100% sure I even know what a chestnut looks like...) or a couple hand-in-hand skating at an outdoor rink. Now the last one either gives you warm butterfly feelings as you know in the upcoming months that will be you, or it fills you with dread because you will once again have to make up a Bridget Jones like excuse at the Christmas party when your drunk uncle asks "still no boyfriend then poppet?" Having spoken with a few of my single friends, I asked them if they are bothered being footloose and fancy free during the season of goodwill. Most say they are too busy to be that upset, but do admit things like looking at pretty festive lights, snuggling in front of a roaring fire or having to face the entire family is just that little bit harder when alone at Christmas. And so enters extensive pre-Xmas Tinder usage.... not only are most of my friends using it (don't worry I wont out you) but they are giving out their green hearts at such a speed, you would think the Grinch has changed his mind and is now in the Valentine's Day game....

For those of you who have yet to succumb to the iPhone and don't watch the television or read any newspapers, Tinder is a phone app that allows you to see other (seemingly) single people in your area and literally like them if you think they are cute or bin them, never to be seen again, if you don't. If you both think the other is attractive, Tinder matches you and you can start chatting, if one of you doesn't, you aren't matched and no-one's feelings get hurt. Having been a keen spectator of my friends using this app and living vicariously through their dates, I have often been the one they turn-to to ask the ultimate question - what do I wear?

On a first date, an event that if procured through Tinder has been based on but 4 photographs, choice of attire is of the utmost importance. As I watched a friend try to sell me on a skirt she wanted to wear by re-living the moment in Bridesmaids where Annie tries to make them buy the cheaper dress - "It's a great colour, it's a great length, it's fun, you can twirl, you can move in it, you can spread your legs apart" - I remind her there will be no twirling or leg spreading and therefore it is not the right skirt for her. So when she says "well what IS the right thing for me" I began to think about what one should wear on a first date, and came up with a few suggestions below:

Top: At the moment I am partial to a jumper, shirt combo. Luckily, Comptoir des Cotonniers have done this gorgeous one with a detachable collar for £120. I know this may seem a little preppy, but I LOVE thin cashmere jumpers and skirts worn together. I think it gives that Zooey Deschanel look we are all trying to achieve. And this particular one would look stunning with the skirt below...
Pieris Jumper, Comptoir des Cotonniers, £120

Skirt: On a first date you want to appear feminine, NOT trashy. Skirts are a must for me for any occasion that involves a little extra effort. Leave a little to the imagination; nothing too short or too tight unless you never want to see this guy again. Wide, full skirts are flattering to all shapes and sizes, just tailor how big the flair and the length depending on your height. I love this one from Topshop because the colour is gorj and it hits just below the knee.
Heavy Crepe Full Skirt, Topshop, £60.

 

Shoes: Not too high so that you end up being taller than him, but not too low that you don't give off the max potential of your pins. Personally I don't think you can go wrong with a stand out court shoe. I would wear the below from Office with the outfit selected - so chic.

Razzle Cobalt Blue Suede, Office, £55

 

 

Bag: I always get asked, do you take a clutch or your proper bag. I would suggest large clutch, because then it could be either and doesn't make you look like you tried too hard or not hard enough. I like this one from Accessorize because it matches the shoes and I think that's cute...as does the Queen and she has impeccable taste!!

Leopard Print Clutch, Accessorize, £45

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jewellery: Choose a statement piece and run with it - don't go all big ring, big necklace, big earrings because you may get mistaken for Mr T. I love this statement necklace from Banana Republic, which will look fab under a collar of a shirt, against an LBD or on plain top.

Turquoise Statement Necklace, Banana Republic, £75

 

 

 

And as for perfume, Chanel No. 5 always.... Was there really any question?

 

I leave you with a few tips from a previous post about how to read into what one liners in a profile actual mean and how a photo can speak a thousand words.... Be careful now, there is a potential date at stake!

 

One Liners:
"I like going out with friends" = Heavy drinker
"Some college" = dropout
"I like to go to the gym 7 days a week" = Delusional/Fat/Liar/Obsessed with mirror image of self
"Musician" = Stoner
"I like to walk everywhere" = Cant afford a car
"My friends say I am a good laugh" = Your friends use you to buy rounds
"I am training to be a doctor/physicist/dolphin trainer..." - Girls dig that right?

Photos:
Photo of you in your bedroom - I have just taken this right now
Photo of you drunk - I have a drinking problem and think its cool to show you
No top on (boys...) and face not showing in profile - I look like the back end of a donkey but hope my cheese grater abs make you forget that
Posing - I think I'm Christina Aguilera/Tom Cruise
You with your ex - This is what I am looking for/I haven't always been single
You with a child - Dude been on too many dates

 

Remember, there are only 66 days until Christmas...

If you were a soup, what kind of soup would you be?

Hello!

It has been a long LONG time since we last spoke and for that I am truly sorry. Please just remember that I am currently working long hours trying to change the world, improve people's live and spread happiness. Yes folks, fashion PR is that demanding. But as I lie here in bed (DO NOT comment on the fact it is post 3pm) I think it is perhaps time to resume my writing. I took a 2 month hiatus because work was busy and I wasnt enjoying writing as much as I had been. Now however I am here to write for you again and embarrass myself even further. So how to win back your hearts? By throwing myself to the lions. I will now dedicate this post to... internet dating.

It seems a booming fashion career severely impacts on your chances of finding a fella ... unless you are a fella looking for a fella... So after a month or so of complaining to my lovely house-mate Kate that I was NEVER going to find a man in a city which hosts a rather large population of them, she made a suggestion. Internet dating. I laughed at her and carried on riding my high horse. But once a seed is planted my friends, all of a sudden you are living high up in a oakwood and someone has carved e-Harmony into it...

I carried this little gem of an idea around with me for a few days and asked a select group of London friends what they thought of the idea, already bracing myself to become the laughing stock for evening suggesting it. But guess what? It turns out everyone is on them. In fact I am pretty sure you can't get into some London nightclubs unless you are on one. How had I lived in London for three months without one they asked? So one night I decided to see what it was about. Creating a profile is the most cringe-worthy experience ever. These people don't know you and so everything you say makes you sound like a douschebag:

"I like going out with friends" = Heavy drinker.
"All my girlfriends have been younger than me" = Paedophile.
"Some college" = dropout.
"I like to go to the gym 7 days a week" = Delusional/Fat/Liar/Obsessed with mirror image of self.
"Musician" = Stoner.
"I like to walk everywhere" = Cant afford a car.
"My friends say I am a good laugh" = Your friends use you to buy rounds.
"I am training to be a doctor/physicist/dolphin trainer..." - Girls dig that right?

You also have to write a strapline - my post title is one I stole from a guy on the website. What does it even mean? I love it. Other good ones include... "Good sense of hummus" and "I'd be great in a zombie apocalypse" bad ones include "I'll be your Mr Gray" - dude you look like a murderer and "Are you looking for me?" - only if you have the phone number of Prince Harry.

So keep it short and sweet. Who am I kidding, my profile is an autobiography of my life. Once that is written you put down what you are looking for - Dating, relationship, long term, marriage, friendship, intimate encounter (????) Then add your profile pictures:

Photo of you in your bedroom - I have just taken this right now
Photo of you drunk - I have a drinking problem and thinks its cool to show you
No top on (boys...) and face not showing in profile - I look like the back end of a donkey but hope my cheese grater abs make you forget that
Posing - I think i'm Christina Aguilera/Tom Cruise
You with your ex - This is what I am looking for/I havent always been on a dating website
You with a child - Dude been on too many dates

And then upload!! People start messaging you, asking to meet you. All of them look like they belong in prison. You ignore 99%. You forget some men are actually good looking and message back to the ones who would look alright at the cinema with you - if it was dark... and you were looking at the screen. The messages you receive are RIDICULOUS. My favourite ever..."Hi BECKY, I like the look of your profile and thought I would start with an easy question to get us talking...so, what's your name?" Other great messages I have received:

"Is a Jaffa Cake a cake or a biscuit"
"Come here often?"
"Why wont you message me back? I'm not interested in you anyway. You think I'm ugly dont you?" (The Block button has been used often...)
"My apartment smells like leather and I eat a lot of cheese"

There are many more. Mostly they dont make sense. A lot of "Hi, how are you? Good weekend/day/evening?" Oh it was good thanks! And I am sure it was good for the 17,000 other girls you have written that message to. You will not be getting a reply.

Telling people you are on a dating website is hilarious. The reactions range from SHOCK HORROR to a hearty pat on the back. My Dad thought it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. My brother told me 50% of couples meet through dating websites. My mother has all but installed a barbed wire around my house to stop me from leaving and going on a date with what she has decided are Fred West re-incarnated and using a dating website...

So there you have it. Web dating in a nutshell. I dont really go on my profile anymore because the whole thing has lost its shine in less than a month ...and I have lost all faith I had in the male species. No I do not want to watch you work out, but thank you so much for asking. Anyway, try it for yourselves, it is pretty funny and a great way to meet people. Be nice to others and hope they are nice back. Dont put yourself in a dangerous position - meet in a crowded place, dont give out personal details, dont let them pick you up/drive you home. Just be smart. And also before you judge just ask your friend's what they think...because I have seen most of them on there. Gloucester, you are most certainly looking for love ;-)

Lots of love to you all!

Becky xxx