Magic Mike - Like Pretty Woman but not fancy enough for a piano scene

So, look at me posting two days in a row!! How fancy. Well perhaps not so fancy when you hear what I just did. That's right girls (and possibly some guys) I just went to see Magic Mike. If you are the only hot blooded female on the planet who has not yet heard about this movie...well, are you in for a treat!! Have you ever wished Channing Tatum would just get his kit off already? Are you, like me, a die hard True Blood fan and want more than anything for Alcide and Sookie to get it on so you can see him in the buff? Or are you just curious to see if the rumour that Matthew Mcconaughey doesn't shower for months at a time is true? Whatever your twisted little fantasy, it is played out for you in all its big screen glory. And girls you will not be disappointed....at the bodies at least. The story as we all guessed it would be, is pretty mediocre. I wont ruin it for you, but a lot of stuff seems to just go unanswered, which always really annoys me. However, the main point of this is that I don't really like cheese, but would do pretty much anything to grate the stuff off of those guys abs. Holy 8 pack.

Anyway, this post is not just about my secret lustings over the large upper bodied males of this world - although at one point I did whisper to my friend that I wholeheartedly understood why some men were gay - but is instead my subtle way of pointing out how to dress like a hooker without being one. No kids, I have not started buying everything from those creepy stores in London that have most of the window covered and that you can smell the shame from when you walk past them. What I am actually suggesting is that perhaps these little non-vampire night-time lovers have lent us a thing or two...namely studs, leather and peek-a-boo panels. Read on and all shall be revealed ... literally.

Studding:

Republic have got this down... dresses, tops, shoes, bags. All studded to perfection. Pick them up for a fabulous price as well...so you don't need to work very hard to get them. Basically, you can (luckily) stick to the day job. Dress - Miso @ Republic (£15 in the sale!!), Sweater - Crafted @ Republic (£30) and Bag - Crafted @ Republic (£20).

 Leather and Latex:

Cher has never been afraid of a little leather, Stella McCartney loves the fake stuff and Katy Perry has firmly brought latex out of the bedroom, so what are you waiting for? Grab your thigh high boots, don a leather American Letterman style bomber over your LBD and head out to the work. Oh so slippery chic.

For those of you who can afford such things, Atsuko Kudo is officially my new obsession. How can latex be made to look like lace? I don't care, but I want it. Look at the blog if you don't believe me that everyone worth knowing is as obsessed as I am ... http://www.atsukokudo.com/blog/

This dress is currently at the V&A Ballgowns exhibition - if you haven't already been...why???

Peek-A-Boo, I See You:
My mother always used to laugh at me because when I was younger I used to shout "I can see her underwear" whenever I watched a ballet... Luckily I have grown up and now show my own underwear in sheer blouses and lace dresses. Dress - Zara (£29.99 in the sale!), T-Shirt - Zara (£25.99)

Animal Print:
Too much of it and you look like Cat from Eastenders. The purrfect (see what I did there!) amount and you will have Magic Mike himself pawing at your kitten heels (seriously how am I so funny).

This is the most fabulous thing I have ever seen. Yes it is Nanette Lepore. Yes it is coloured animal print. Yes it is called the Firefly dress. Yes I want it. Dress - Nanette Lepore ($348)

So happy hunting street walkers. Remember you can class anything up with Richard Gere on your arm. And if we haven't learnt that from Pretty Woman, we have learnt nothing at all.

Night!
Becky xxx

If you were a soup, what kind of soup would you be?

Hello!

It has been a long LONG time since we last spoke and for that I am truly sorry. Please just remember that I am currently working long hours trying to change the world, improve people's live and spread happiness. Yes folks, fashion PR is that demanding. But as I lie here in bed (DO NOT comment on the fact it is post 3pm) I think it is perhaps time to resume my writing. I took a 2 month hiatus because work was busy and I wasnt enjoying writing as much as I had been. Now however I am here to write for you again and embarrass myself even further. So how to win back your hearts? By throwing myself to the lions. I will now dedicate this post to... internet dating.

It seems a booming fashion career severely impacts on your chances of finding a fella ... unless you are a fella looking for a fella... So after a month or so of complaining to my lovely house-mate Kate that I was NEVER going to find a man in a city which hosts a rather large population of them, she made a suggestion. Internet dating. I laughed at her and carried on riding my high horse. But once a seed is planted my friends, all of a sudden you are living high up in a oakwood and someone has carved e-Harmony into it...

I carried this little gem of an idea around with me for a few days and asked a select group of London friends what they thought of the idea, already bracing myself to become the laughing stock for evening suggesting it. But guess what? It turns out everyone is on them. In fact I am pretty sure you can't get into some London nightclubs unless you are on one. How had I lived in London for three months without one they asked? So one night I decided to see what it was about. Creating a profile is the most cringe-worthy experience ever. These people don't know you and so everything you say makes you sound like a douschebag:

"I like going out with friends" = Heavy drinker.
"All my girlfriends have been younger than me" = Paedophile.
"Some college" = dropout.
"I like to go to the gym 7 days a week" = Delusional/Fat/Liar/Obsessed with mirror image of self.
"Musician" = Stoner.
"I like to walk everywhere" = Cant afford a car.
"My friends say I am a good laugh" = Your friends use you to buy rounds.
"I am training to be a doctor/physicist/dolphin trainer..." - Girls dig that right?

You also have to write a strapline - my post title is one I stole from a guy on the website. What does it even mean? I love it. Other good ones include... "Good sense of hummus" and "I'd be great in a zombie apocalypse" bad ones include "I'll be your Mr Gray" - dude you look like a murderer and "Are you looking for me?" - only if you have the phone number of Prince Harry.

So keep it short and sweet. Who am I kidding, my profile is an autobiography of my life. Once that is written you put down what you are looking for - Dating, relationship, long term, marriage, friendship, intimate encounter (????) Then add your profile pictures:

Photo of you in your bedroom - I have just taken this right now
Photo of you drunk - I have a drinking problem and thinks its cool to show you
No top on (boys...) and face not showing in profile - I look like the back end of a donkey but hope my cheese grater abs make you forget that
Posing - I think i'm Christina Aguilera/Tom Cruise
You with your ex - This is what I am looking for/I havent always been on a dating website
You with a child - Dude been on too many dates

And then upload!! People start messaging you, asking to meet you. All of them look like they belong in prison. You ignore 99%. You forget some men are actually good looking and message back to the ones who would look alright at the cinema with you - if it was dark... and you were looking at the screen. The messages you receive are RIDICULOUS. My favourite ever..."Hi BECKY, I like the look of your profile and thought I would start with an easy question to get us talking...so, what's your name?" Other great messages I have received:

"Is a Jaffa Cake a cake or a biscuit"
"Come here often?"
"Why wont you message me back? I'm not interested in you anyway. You think I'm ugly dont you?" (The Block button has been used often...)
"My apartment smells like leather and I eat a lot of cheese"

There are many more. Mostly they dont make sense. A lot of "Hi, how are you? Good weekend/day/evening?" Oh it was good thanks! And I am sure it was good for the 17,000 other girls you have written that message to. You will not be getting a reply.

Telling people you are on a dating website is hilarious. The reactions range from SHOCK HORROR to a hearty pat on the back. My Dad thought it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. My brother told me 50% of couples meet through dating websites. My mother has all but installed a barbed wire around my house to stop me from leaving and going on a date with what she has decided are Fred West re-incarnated and using a dating website...

So there you have it. Web dating in a nutshell. I dont really go on my profile anymore because the whole thing has lost its shine in less than a month ...and I have lost all faith I had in the male species. No I do not want to watch you work out, but thank you so much for asking. Anyway, try it for yourselves, it is pretty funny and a great way to meet people. Be nice to others and hope they are nice back. Dont put yourself in a dangerous position - meet in a crowded place, dont give out personal details, dont let them pick you up/drive you home. Just be smart. And also before you judge just ask your friend's what they think...because I have seen most of them on there. Gloucester, you are most certainly looking for love ;-)

Lots of love to you all!

Becky xxx